Conviction

i'm always right.

or so i'd like to think. but just the other night it struck at how hilarious and aburd that mindset is...

it had been awhile since i had really sat down by myself and thought. thought about my life, God, the people around me, what the heck i am doing, why i pick my nose in my sleep, things like that. so friday night as i drove home after visiting with my old youth pastor i remembered how my brother had always told me that when he had my room (which is the only room upstairs) he used to go on our roof and look out at the stars and chat to God...sounded pretty sweet...so me and my cigar went outside, laid on the roof and sat mesmorized by the clear night.

it struck me for the first time, i mean i had heard it, i knew the cliches, but i felt for the first time very small in the middle of God's creation. even more so i realized how small my small little problems were. how small my BIG head really was. i mean it's funny that we sometimes get caught into thinking how we have it all figured out. i mean when you really think about how everyone of those stars is some huge sun somewhere for possibly some other solar system. some other galaxy. and how i think my life's problems and worries are a big deal. it's aburd. truly absurd. and then i realized how much God thinks of us in the middle of all this bigness. and how it's such a paradox. we are inconceivably small, but yet God sees as inconceivably important...not so much our ideas and opinions, but our lives. He wants our lives. I mean He gave it to us...he wants us to live it for Him. for His glory, not our own.

So then, i thought about the church. How much I think it's wrong. and so much is up and distorted...but then i remembred how small i was again. and it made me feel really dumb to just talk negatively about the church. i can't just assume that there is ONE right way to do something. to do church. for me, it's to surround myself with people who do good to others and try to make EVERY choice based on God's character. and to talk and hold each other accountable. for me that isn't found in a local church. for some it is. do i have my opinions on the church? yes. are they right? maybe. does it apply to everyone that is involved in a church? no. as paul says in Phillipians 1:15-18

"Is it true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill? The latter do so out of love, knowing that i am here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while i'm in chains. BUT WHAT DOES IT MATTER? THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT IN EVERY WAY, WHETHER FROM FALSE MOTIVES OR TRUE, CHRIST IS BEING PREACHED. AND BECAUSE OF THIS I REJOICE."

am i rejoicing? no, i'm angry at the church. i'm angry at the entertainment business it's become. how "relevent" it's trying to be. was i caught up in it? yes, very much so. but either way i need to rejoice because Christ is still being preached. so needless to say i was convicted that night on my roof.

conviction.

i don't like conviction.

conviction makes me realize i was wrong. but something in my heart changed i think. i think i like being wrong...

i like being wrong.

because i realize the need for Christ. i am human, i am wrong a lot. i need truth, i need Christ to do a work in me. and when i'm wrong and i realize it...i know He is working in me.

it feels good to allow God to do whatever it is he needs to do with those people that are recieving the gospel all across the western world on sunday mornings. it's not my job to change them. i am called to do whatever it takes for me to know Christ more. that's all that i can control. anything else is up to God and is up to others.

whatever it takes for you to know God more...DO IT! don't worry about being wrong. if you're basing your decisions on His words and His character you are doing nothing wrong. it's a beautiful thing to realize that there is lots of truth, lots of true ways to to and have church. who am i to say what is right or wrong. all i ask is that you think of how much your life is modeled after Him. are you wanting more of Christ every day? are you seeing change in your life on a daily basis? are you being convicted?

are you being convicted?

i am sorry for my selfishness and my big head. Christ is in me and he's teaching me humility. and i like it. i like being wrong. because it's not about me...it's about Christ in me, coming out, and getting rid of the me.

God, may you draw us near to you. teach us your ways, help our generation to be more away of their wrongs so that we may allow your son to make us right with you. i love you Abba, continue to work in us so that "we may attain to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ."



i think i'm gonna make a bracelet that says "Got conviction?" i think that could sell, what do you think?